Hi, my name is Kitty, well it’s not really, but for the purposes of this blog, I’d rather stay anonymous. I’m hoping that there may be other people in a similar situation to me and we can support and advise each other accordingly. If not, then no matter, it might just be therapeutic to get things off my chest.
If anyone had asked me 12 months ago if I was happy, I would have said “Yes, why wouldn’t I be”. After all, I was married with a little boy, love my job, reasonable house, like where I live. No reason not to be happy. Life wasn’t perfect, but then whose life is? Now, I’m an emotional wreck. Still in the same situation but I feel as though I’ve realised I was just plodding along and not happy at all. So, what happened ? I’ll start with bit of background. I’ve been married to Tom for 13 years. We’ve had our ups and downs like all marriages and we have a fantastic little boy, James, who is a real character. It was just the two of us for quite a while as Tom initially said he didn’t want any children. I always thought this was more of a fear of the responsibility than any other reason and eventually we decided to just see what happened and we were blessed with James. Tom loves him to bits and wouldn’t be without him but he’s clearly stated that one is enough. I think Tom might be an alcoholic but more of that later.
Last September, I was contacted via FB by an ex from long ago (20 years). We had been ‘friends’ on FB for a few years but not had any communication other than the occasional ‘like’ of each others posts. I’ll call him Rob. Anyway, he messaged me out of the blue asking how I was. We chatted a bit and I told him that I was married with a child and that ‘life was good’. He told me he was also married with children. He asked if I fancied meeting for coffee which I declined, but we gradually started ‘chatting’ more often and by Christmas I had agreed to meet him. Over the Christmas holidays my best friend commentated on how great I was looking and that I seemed really happy. I did confide in her about Rob getting in touch and she surprised me by saying that she was happy as long as I was happy, but warned me to be careful.
Rob’s texts were getting more flirty and we did end up swapping naughty photos and messages. I have to say that his comments were very flattering and made me feel good. He told me he had massive regrets, that he thought he loved me, and if things were different we could have been together. He mentioned meeting up several times, though we never actually did. Then, without warning, a few weeks ago, it all stopped. We’d had a regular ‘chat’ with no sign of anything changing, but then I didn’t hear anything else. I messaged him a week later but he never replied. I would probably have sent an ‘everything ok?’ message but it was my birthday a couple of days later and he never even wished me Happy Birthday. I’m not a total fool and I’ve never been one to beg, so I haven’t contacted him since. I know we shouldn’t have been doing it anyway, but I ended up falling for him again and it hurts so much that he couldn’t even tell me it was over.
I guess I had felt taken for granted in my marriage and the attention gave me a boost. I know it’s for the best, but now there’s a part of me that’s thinking ‘What if?’.
On the other hand, Tom did me proud for my birthday and organised a party for me which I hadn’t known about, so it did make me think that he does really love me and appreciates me, even though I don’t often feel it. I thought I would get back to how I was pretty quickly, but I still keep thinking about Rob and wondering why he ever got in touch in the first place and what exactly did he want from me?