My thing with Rob is not the first time I’ve been attracted to someone else during my 16 years with Tom. It has happened once before, but my actions and feelings were entirely different then.
It was nearly 10 years ago and Tom and I had been married 3 and half years and together 7. We had just moved house and it was a stressful time. I would say we were going through a bad patch.
I went on a work training event and met Simon. We worked for the same company but in different parts of the country so our paths had never crossed before. We were partnered together for a team building exercise and we hit it off straight away. I was definitely attracted to him and pretty sure he felt the same. However, neither of us mentioned any feelings whatsoever and everything stayed professional between us. He was single but I made sure he knew I was married and I probably talked about Tom even more to him as I was bowled over by my feelings. I remember coming home from the course and being in tears because I felt so guilty about fancying someone else!I talked it over with a friend and she advised that it was maybe naive to think that saying your marriage vows meant you would never be attracted to anyone else, and that the important thing was how you acted (or didn’t act) on those feelings.
As I said, it was a difficult time, and I felt that the more I concentrated on my marriage, the harder it seemed to be. However, I stayed strong and nothing ever happened with Simon.
This time, with Rob, has been completely different. Maybe it’s because we have a history, albeit briefly, or maybe it’s because he chased me to an extent. At first I did try to keep it platonic, but if I’m truly honest, I think his first “how is life treating you?” message made my heart skip a beat. I wouldn’t have said my marriage was in a bad patch this time either, but I don’t feel guilty for what I’ve been doing. Perhaps that’s because I’m no longer in love with my husband.