Christmas stresses

Christmas is always a difficult time of year for me. I love Christmas, spending time with my family and all the trimmings, but Tom hates it. He enjoys socialising if it involves the pub, but that’s all. When we were first married we alternated between parents on Christmas Day and we took it in turns to drive. This worked well until the 4th year when he didn’t want to drive to his parents, but I stood firm as it was my turn to enjoy a festive tipple! It was a busy year as his brothers and their partners were there as well as his Nan, so quite a houseful. Tom left the table before pudding and sat on his own saying he didn’t like Christmas. On our way home, he said he wasn’t going anywhere again on Christmas Day. The following year I went to my parents alone and Tom stayed at home. He then said that he didn’t really want to be on his own and would have liked Christmas with just me. There followed 4 years of me visiting my parents first thing and going to church with them before coming home and having Christmas dinner and the rest of the day with Tom. When we had James I started visiting my parents on Christmas Eve instead, then taking James to our local church on Christmas morning and staying home all day.

Two years ago we were all set for this routine when on the 23rd December, Tom announced that he didn’t want to do Christmas at all! I took James to my parents and we had a lovely day. He especially enjoyed playing with his cousin. Ended up eating a second Christmas dinner on Boxing Day as I’d already got all my food in! Last year, James and I went to my parents again and Tom joined us at teatime. This year, I’m planning on doing the same as James loves spending time with his cousin. Tom is going to his parents as he says (after last month’s family meal at my parents) he doesn’t ever want to be in the presence of James and his cousin as they get too giddy together and he can’t do with it. I did feel a bit bad when he said he would have liked us to do Christmas at home, just us, but I told him I didn’t want to risk a repeat of 2 years ago and that James enjoys time with his cousin and Christmas is about the kids!

Maybe I’m being too harsh, maybe I’m doing the right thing. Who knows?


5 thoughts on “Christmas stresses

  1. Christmas is definitely about the kids. I believe you are doing what is right. Don’t doubt yourself because it is not his ideal situation. This holiday is not about making him happy. You are doing what is best for your little one. That is the way it should be.


  2. I agree with livingmylifelost – you need to do what is best for your child, but also for you. It is so easy for partners and other family members to manipulate others at this time of year. Do what is right for you and for your son.


  3. You’re doing it EXACTLY right! Of course he makes you feel guilty; it’s the alcoholic’s way of not being held accountable for his own actions. I’ve tried this year to “make” my husband participate in a few holiday festivities; not next year! He’s moody and negative and an eruption lies just beneath the surface. Enjoy your Christmas with people who want to enjoy Christmas too!!

    Liked by 1 person

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