Be careful what you wish for

I am biting my tongue at the moment. Just collected Tom from the pub and he’s in a foul mood which is all my fault apparently. He had sent me a text earlier saying he had tried calling several times but I seemed to be ignoring him. My phone showed no trace of calls, missed or otherwise. It’s a new phone and I hadn’t realised until I then investigated the settings, but it was set on never acknowledging calls. Oops! I don’t often get calls on it anyway, so hadn’t really noticed a lack of calls as yet. Called Tom and explained this to him, apologised and arranged to collect him later. When I did, he had not forgiven me and went into a tirade about how I have “never appreciated him calling me and always ignore his calls.” This is not true and we have had countless ‘discussions’ over the years, about how I do not always have my mobile on my person, and that I don’t answer it straightaway. He is self-employed so his mobile is in constant use for work. At home our mobile signal isn’t very good and at work my mobile is in the staff room. The fact is, I might not always be able to answer calls every time but I do always reply to texts when I have seen them.

He then declared he can’t stand my parents and thinks my mum is evil and brought up the wetsuit discussion again. He also asked if I wanted a divorce and said I was going the right way about it if I did. I knew it was his mood and drunken ranting but I had to bite my tongue as I was very tempted to say “Be careful what you wish for”. Our son was in the car though and had fallen asleep so I didn’t want a full scale row. Instead I replied, “If that’s what you want.” He then backtracked and said he didn’t before marching off to his shed for a smoke.

Maybe things will come to a head without me having to ‘pick my moment’ as to when to broach the subject of our marriage. I don’t think when he’s been drinking is a good time, but if he has a similar outburst again, I may not be able to hold my tongue. The thing is, he forgets so much of what he says when he’s had a drink, he may well have no recollection tomorrow; but I’m sober, so the hurtful things stick in my mind and that’s not easy to recover from. They just build up over time and even though I’m still doing my something positive resolution (he washed a few pots this morning), it’s not enough to counter my negativity.


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