Rob has been quiet over the last 10 days. He sent me a message last Tuesday but my reply showed undelivered. I’ve texted him twice since then with no reply. I’ve decided I have to end it with him. I don’t want to, but I have to be strong and not let him take me for granted. After all, I get that enough at home. If he told me he was busy or that he wasn’t going to be in touch for awhile, then I would be fine, but to just ignore me is not good form. I can’t let him treat me like a toy. I’ve drafted a message but not sent it yet. I’m sure I will, honest.
On the home front, things came to a head on Sunday. We had a nice family afternoon out but then Tom wasn’t pleased that I’d planned to make soup for tea. I told him I’d given up planning Sunday dinners and tried to think of what was easy to fit round him going to the pub and reminded him that earlier in the week I’d had to throw his dinner away from the previous evening as he’d never eaten it! After I collected him from the pub, he insisted on having a talk. He said he knew something wasn’t right and his main theory was that my mum is poisoning me against him. I told him that my mum doesn’t know half the stuff that’s happened over the years and that my feelings have built up over time. He asked if my head had been turned by someone else. I managed to side step a confession or denial by saying “well, I’m not exactly out every weekend to meet anyone”. I honestly don’t think it would do any good for him to know. If he did, he would go mad and probably want to go after Rob, which wouldn’t help anything.
Anyway, today he’s been all touchy-feely, wanting hugs, telling me he loves me and asking if I’m alright. We had another chat this afternoon and I told him I find his unsociability hard and that my priority is James but that I feel his priority is alcohol. He said he found our son’s first couple of years hard and he felt he couldn’t really help with anything. He also said drinking is his hobby. I said I no longer believed things he said and reminded him that he has told me numerous times that he will cut back / stop drinking and never does. He said he won’t be telling me anymore that he’s giving up because he isn’t! I suppose that’s honest of him.
I don’t really know how I feel or what I want, but it is probably a good thing that we have talked to some extent.