I wasn’t looking forward to Mother’s Day. Last year’s Mother’s Day was crap to put it mildly. I wasn’t expecting any surprises but I did hope that there would be something. Instead, Tom announced the night before that I should know he hadn’t had any opportunity to get me anything and that he knew James had made a card at nursery anyway. On the day I visited my mum in the morning after church then came home and prepared to visit Tom’s mum and take the plant I’d got her. James chose this moment to have a tantrum which continued as we set off in the car. Tom got partway down the road then spun the car round and practically threw us out at home before going on his own to his mums. He returned shortly, declared James had ruined the day and promptly went to the pub. James was crying; I was crying and felt pretty low. James then noticed how upset I was, stopped crying and did a funny dance to cheer me up.
This year was a little better. I got a lovely bunch of flowers and a nice card. Managed to visit my mum and mum in law without incident but then Tom and I ended up having “a talk”. I told him I didn’t feel we were connected anymore and that I thought we’d grown apart. He said he hasn’t changed and asked if it was my hormones and did I still love him. I said I didn’t know how I felt. That upset him and he went on to say that he only got married because I wanted to and only had a child because I wanted one. I explained that I think I have changed since becoming a mother and that I feel like I’ve grown up but he hasn’t. He said he loves our son but doesn’t feel he’s good at being a dad as he doesn’t like going to kids parties and doesn’t enjoy playing. I told him that we don’t really do anything exciting. Not that I want to jump out of a plane or anything like that, but we don’t really do anything much at all. He asked if there was anyone else and I said no. Maybe I’m wrong, but it is over now and I don’t honestly think it will help to bring it up. If I told Tom about Rob, it would only hurt him and I think he would just put all our problems down to that rather than trying to work out why I wasn’t happy in the first place. I’m also pretty sure that he would want to track him down and more than likely punch him in the face which wouldn’t help anyone at all!
Maybe things will change, or maybe I’ll just get back into plodding along as I was before.