Mother’s Day

I wasn’t looking forward to Mother’s Day. Last year’s Mother’s Day was crap to put it mildly. I wasn’t expecting any surprises but I did hope that there would be something. Instead, Tom announced the night before that I should know he hadn’t had any opportunity to get me anything and that he knew James had made a card at nursery anyway. On the day I visited my mum in the morning after church then came home and prepared to visit Tom’s mum and take the plant I’d got her. James chose this moment to have a tantrum which continued as we set off in the car. Tom got partway down the road then spun the car round and practically threw us out at home before going on his own to his mums. He returned shortly, declared James had ruined the day and promptly went to the pub. James was crying; I was crying and felt pretty low. James then noticed how upset I was, stopped crying and did a funny dance to cheer me up.

This year was a little better. I got a lovely bunch of flowers and a nice card. Managed to visit my mum and mum in law without incident but then Tom and I ended up having “a talk”. I told him I didn’t feel we were connected anymore and that I thought we’d grown apart. He said he hasn’t changed and asked if it was my hormones and did I still love him. I said I didn’t know how I felt. That upset him and he went on to say that he only got married because I wanted to and only had a child because I wanted one. I explained that I think I have changed since becoming a mother and that I feel like I’ve grown up but he hasn’t. He said he loves our son but doesn’t feel he’s good at being a dad as he doesn’t like going to kids parties and doesn’t enjoy playing. I told him that we don’t really do anything exciting. Not that I want to jump out of a plane or anything like that, but we don’t really do anything much at all. He asked if there was anyone else and I said no. Maybe I’m wrong, but it is over now and I don’t honestly think it will help to bring it up. If I told Tom about Rob, it would only hurt him and I think he would just put all our problems down to that rather than trying to work out why I wasn’t happy in the first place. I’m also pretty sure that he would want to track him down and more than likely punch him in the face which wouldn’t help anyone at all!

Maybe things will change, or maybe I’ll just get back into plodding along as I was before.

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3 thoughts on “Mother’s Day

  1. Honey, you are the architect of your own unhappiness. No ones​ is responsible for your joy but you! Tom obviously doesn’t care about your and James’ happiness enough to make it a priority. Why do you continue to hang around in the vain hope that it will get better? If you have a problem and you do nothing about it, that problem will only get worse. Stop lowering your standards every time that man disappoints you!
    Eventually, when you’ve given up all hope that life can be good, Tom may find someone else (as you did Rob) and then blame YOU for it. He’ll tell you that you are miserable to be around and he can’t be blamed for finding someone fun. No matter that he and his selfishness were the reasons you stopped being fun in the first place.
    You. Deserve. Better. You deserve joy. You deserve respect. You deserve equal effort. You deserve care. And so does James! Tom clearly isn’t going to give you those things. And his piddly ass attempts now and again are designed to keep you hanging on because it’s what’s convenient for him. Not what’s best for you.
    Even if there’s no Rob type man in your future, at least if you leave there’s no Tom, either. Think of how happy you might be without that albatross around your neck. Yes, it will be difficult. Yes, it will hurt. But a life with no hope of happiness is no life at all.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I plodded along for a long time and it doesn’t get better. If you leave things as they are, it will get progressively worse until you reach breaking point.
    If you see any possibility you can make things work, talking is a must. Lay all cards on the table and take it from there. We didn’t do it until it was too late. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

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