I don’t know how I feel at all the moment. I’m not sure if I’ve shut myself off emotionally from my husband as a result of my feelings for Rob, or whether I had lost my feelings anyway.
Sex with my husband has been ok. He has spent time on me which is appreciated, but although enjoyable, I still feel detached. He is making an effort in other areas too. He went and got some smarter shorts (after years of wearing cut off ex army camouflage pants), he keeps complementing me and has helped more round the house. A couple of days ago I felt things seemed to be improving and we may actually come out of this stronger.
However, yesterday was the 17 year anniversary of us meeting (Tom always remembers as it’s his mums birthday) and also Rob’s birthday. I couldn’t help thinking of him a lot and I refused my husband’s advances last night as I really wasn’t in the right frame of mind at all. This evening he wanted “cuddle time” and whilst I participated, I wasn’t feeling any emotional connection at all.
The affair; whilst clarifying, and bringing to a head, the problems in my marriage; has also confused matters in that I don’t seem to know how I feel. I don’t think I can set a time limit on working to save my marriage, but equally I don’t want to end up drifting along again. I guess I have to give my heart time to recover and reset. I know Tom does love me but today I’m not feeling too confident that my love for him can be rekindled.