Conversation timings

Do all men like to start difficult conversations at inopportune times?
Today, Tom asked for a cuddle and he kissed me. He then asked if I like kissing. I used to love kissing. I could kiss for hours. I’m sure if I’d said “I used to love kissing you but now I’m not really bothered”, he wouldn’t have been impressed. I actually said “It’s alright”. I don’t think that went down any better. I told him I don’t feel any spark and he said he’s not entirely sure he does and that he’s sure that’s normal after several years together. He still thinks I’m just going though a phase, even though the other week he reckoned I haven’t loved him for 10 years – pretty long phase then.
He said he’s worried that I’m going to return from my holiday and ask for a divorce. I told him I’m looking forward to the holiday as I do think we need some time apart. We couldn’t continue any further as his friend arrived to pick him up for an afternoon at the pub. He returned in a strop as James had just gone to bed and has avoided me for the rest of the evening.
Why bring up a difficult topic when you know; a) you’re not going to hear what you want to hear and b) you know you haven’t got time for a full discussion and that will only leave awkwardness later.
Part of me wishes I’d never said anything at all, though I do actually feel better in myself for it. The thought of separating is scary, but not that I fear being on my own, more the process of sorting things out like finances, child access and all that palaver. I worry about the affect on our son, but I also think that happy parents who live apart must be better in the long term than parents who live together but become increasingly more miserable. The thought of being in the same place in another 10, 20 years, feels me with dread as then it could well be too late to make a break.


One thought on “Conversation timings

  1. Thank you. I have an appointment with a marriage guidance counsellor in a couple of weeks. I think Tom believes this will ‘fix’ me as in I’ll realise I still love him. I’m hoping that she can help me to work out where I am and what I want and need. Hell, I never thought I would be in this situation but I don’t suppose any of us do.


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