I found a blog: https://mustbethistalltoride.com/about/
This man has analysed himself deeply since his divorce and he has some interesting points. His open letter to a shitty husband is pretty perceptive.
I don’t hold my husband solely to blame though for the current state of our marriage. I know it is also my fault for not communicating properly from the start, so in that respect I’m a shitty wife married to a shitty husband! In fact, reading Matt’s blog, I know I buried my head in the sand about the differences Tom and I had before we got married, thinking ‘everything will be alright because we love each other’. In reality, if we had both discussed these things properly to a full conclusion, then we would more than likely have gone our separate ways before getting married. During our early married years, I was definitely guilty of not telling Tom just how much certain actions of his upset me and instead ended up just ‘getting on’ with things rather than risking conflict. I think this is what has ultimately eaten away at my feelings over the years and made me apathetic towards him. While Matt doesn’t condone having an affair – neither do I even though I’m doing it – he sees, as I do, that the affair is not the cause of the problem, but rather the result.
As I’ve said before, I’m fairly certain I would have resisted temptation if I’d been otherwise happy in my marriage.
Tom has also been reading Matt’s blog and I have to say he is trying really hard. He’s being far more helpful round the house and spending time with me. I do appreciate his efforts but I don’t have any romantic feelings towards him at all. I feel sadness and emptiness and just want my own space. Only a week to go to my holiday.