I haven’t re-read my posts for awhile so apologies if I’m repeating myself.

During our recent conversations, which are still difficult, I have admitted to Tom that I don’t believe I’ve ever really ‘let myself go’ with him in the bedroom department. He said he knows and that he’s tried hard but thinks that’s just how I am. Certainly now I can’t as I don’t really want to be there. My body reacts to a point but my mind drifts away to think about other things. Imagining what it might be like with Rob, if I’m lucky; but more often to thinking about what else I could be doing such as making a shopping list or getting on with housework, or even if this is how a prostitute feels.
For years I’ve used lubricant as I’ve been quite dry. I thought it was my libido and that that’s just what happens when you’ve been together a long time. Maybe it is just what happens but I know now it’s not my libido as I only have to receive a text from Rob to feel aroused. In our texts and FaceTime chats I’ve said and done things that I’ve never felt inclined to with my husband. It’s like he’s woken a passion in me that’s been dormant all this time and now I’ve had a glimpse of it, I can’t imagine living the rest of my life without it ever having chance to erupt to it’s full potential. We managed a short FaceTime last week and I told him I don’t know how he has the effect on me that he does. He said the feeling is mutual.
I don’t know whether I’ve been repressed all my life or just with the wrong man. I think I need to push Rob for us to meet so I can answer that question. If he’s genuine about his feelings then he surely must be getting as frustrated as I am and after all, he’s the one who keeps saying he wants us to meet up. If he goes quiet on me again then I really will have to be strong.


5 thoughts on “Awakening

  1. Be careful! That’s all I can say to you. It’s all very exciting for you as you say you’ve never been with anyone else but your husband.
    Be sure you’re ready for the consequences, whether it works out or not. There will be decisions to make and I’m sure it won’t be easy either way.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Every woman deserves to feel loved, adored, sexy and satisfied! You are right to seek that out in my opinion… but even the most aroused of us still need extra lubrication sometimes (e.g. if I’m tired/stressed/eaten poorly/not drunk enough water).
    And I’ve had lots of partners both male & female; some chemistry is just better with some not others! It’s unpredictable. If emails & texts with Rob turn you on, so be it. Just always be safe ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I too must say be careful! Making fantasy into reality may seem exciting, but be cautious of the fall out.

    I understand the desires you’re feeling, its only natural you want to explore them but please keep your wits about you.

    In reality people aren’t always as they seem, I hope for your sake Rob is true and sincere but I guess that’s what you need to find out. Push to meet him, if you don’t you’ll never know.

    In my experience the not knowing is harder to live with, but be warned your world will never feel the same again.

    After 2 years I finally met my emotional affair partner. Being in each others arms was so amazing, so exciting and so new. Whilst we only kissed we both wanted more but that’s where it ended😢

    Unfortunately for me it was quite apparent that the long silences between messages was his way of keeping his distance, I guess the guilt kicked in.

    Taking fantasy into reality is a very scary thing. It will test you emotionally so be prepared for the pain that comes with it.

    Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret meeting, if I hadn’t I wouldn’t of known it was just a fairy tale.

    There’s not a day gone by that I don’t miss him, I’d have him back in a heartbeat BUT meeting has given me a starting point for closure.

    I hope yours is a happy ending, but if you meet make it memorable😊

    Take care of yourself😘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for telling me your story. Thinking of actually meeting him is scary on so many levels – it could be the end, it could lead to more, the guilt may kick in (I haven’t felt guilty so far) -but I feel we have to at some point. I’m very good at procrastinating though so when it might happen is another matter entirely!


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