Drunken rant

Last night we went to the local beer festival. Tom’s brother’s band were the headline act and they are very good. We had a good night until we got home! Tom asked if I’d had fun which I answered positively, then asked if my feelings towards him were changing. I said not at the moment which then triggered a rant from him. He accused me of stringing him along for years and declared that I should leave and that he would keep the house and our son. I told him I couldn’t go anywhere as I’d been drinking and therefore couldn’t drive. I also said he should stop asking me about my feelings if he didn’t want to hear the answer.

Today I collected James from my parents who had looked after him overnight, and when I returned home Tom asked if I might be up for sex later! I had assumed last night that he wouldn’t remember anything this morning, but was still surprised. In the past I would have just let it go, but today I pulled him up on it and said I was surprised he was wanting sex when last night he’d demanded I leave. He denied he had said anything of the sort, so I recalled our full conversation. He apologised and claimed not to remember any of it at all. He told me he loves me to bits and does not want me to leave and that it doesn’t matter to him if I don’t love him. He then amended that to say he wants me to love him back but would rather me stay and not love him, than be without me.

I have wondered this afternoon what I would have done had I not been drinking last night. Would I have called his bluff and actually gone?

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