I came away this time not feeling as though it was proving very helpful. I think Tom felt the same, though that was maybe more to do with me saying I didn’t fancy him and have felt negatively towards him whilst the lady was discussing intimacy with us. She gave us some pointers on ways to improve intimacy and closeness without having sex – more cuddles, holding hands and making time to spend together. I don’t actually feel as though that is something I want at the moment.
Tom said he feels I’ve never given him much affection even from the start of our marriage; that he’s come home from work expecting a hug and I haven’t seemed too bothered to see him. He also said he thinks our son doesn’t like cuddles and kisses because of me! Well I get plenty of hugs from him!
When we got home, Tom said he thought I was emotionally hard and I think he is right to a point. I don’t tend to open up about my feelings. I told him I resented him saying that James not wanting cuddles is down to me and that I think children go through phases of how affectionate or not they want to be and shouldn’t feel pushed into cuddles or kisses if they don’t want to.
I think we are communicating better, in that we don’t keep quiet anymore if we feel put out by something the other has said or done. Feelings wise, it’s just friendship that I feel towards him.