Back online

I’ve been a bit quiet as my internet has been down but it’s fixed now. Hooray! Surprising how much I actually use it and really missed it.

An update on my life then. Tom has cancelled our next counselling session as he doesn’t feel the lady can do anymore for us. I don’t think it can help any further either as in I don’t expect my feelings towards him will change. I’m kind of resigned to carrying on with the status quo. After all, we don’t argue and in fact we are communicating better now than before. I don’t fancy him and find intimacy hard but trying to bear with it for now. He knows my feelings haven’t changed though he hopes they will. If Tom and I do split, then I want to be in a reasonable financial situation. I don’t think I will ever be able to buy out his share of the house but I’m going to try and save what I can so that I at least have a chance of something decent should it come to that.

Rob is keeping in touch and showing no signs of cooling off. We’re still dancing around actually meeting up, but I think he knows that if he disappears on me again then that will be that. I do believe his feelings for me are genuine. I don’t ask about his feelings for his wife and he doesn’t ask me about Tom. He has asked if I feel any guilt and says he hasn’t either. Maybe, like Tom he doesn’t want to be a “part-time” dad. I’m not going to speculate on his home life as that won’t do me any favours, but I do know we aren’t going to be running off together into the sunset.

I am feeling a lot more content at the moment so I’m not going to think about the future, but just enjoy what I have right now.

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