I’m feeling quite positive recently and generally calm and accepting of my situation.
After weeks of waiting for my pension information to come through, Tom then announced that he didn’t want to take any of my money and just wanted to get things moving, so suggested we go back to our original agreement! Well I’m perfectly happy with that! I’ve sent off the divorce application and seen a solicitor to set the financial consent order in progress. Hopefully, it’s now just a matter of waiting for the official stuff to take its course.
James had a parents’ evening at school and I was very pleased with his progress. His teacher said “he’s a delight to teach” and doing well. Cue one very proud mummy. Tom and I went together and at the end we explained that we had separated and asked the teacher if she had noticed anything. She said James hadn’t mentioned anything and she hadn’t noticed any changes in his behaviour. I’m reassured that he’s taking it in his stride and maybe even benefitting from having a happier Mum.
I also had a boost when I went out for dinner with the pantomime cast. I was sitting with some of the younger ones (ranging from 14 to late 20s) and was delighted when they thought I was 6 years younger than I am.
I’ve also had people commenting that I’m looking happier. I definitely feel more content than I have in a long time, so again, I’m reassured that I’m on the right path.
The snow in England over the last few days has meant an enforced sobriety for my dad as he’d got through his supplies and couldn’t get out for more! His car is useless in just the slightest snow. I was fine for the commute to work and school as I have winter tyres, so I picked up essential groceries as needed. I’ve had plenty of exercise too as I’ve cleared the drive of snow on four out of the last five mornings. James got a snow day on Thursday as his school was closed that day, which was my day off too so we managed to enjoy the snow albeit briefly due to the cold!
We played Scrabble on Thursday night when James had gone to bed and I commented on how ‘on the ball’ Dad seemed. I know my mum has had words with him and when they could get out on Friday, he only bought one bottle of whiskey. (He’s been going through a bottle each of whiskey, vodka and gin a week and sometimes brandy too). Whether he can maintain his reduced consumption when the thaw sets in is probably doubtful but we will see.
Just got home from the last performance of the pantomime I’ve been in. Despite being really worried around Christmas that I’d taken too much on and was never going to learn my lines, it all came together and I’ve enjoyed every performance. It’s been just what I needed and I feel as though the old fun part of me has made a return.
All the cast are going out for a meal in a couple of weeks and I’ll be signing up for next year’s show.
Mum and I are worried about my Dad. He has arthritis and also trouble breathing, which the cold weather makes worse. He doesn’t have much interest in doing anything and we wonder if he’s depressed. If that is the case then his drinking certainly won’t be helping! As my mum has said, and I’ve now witnessed myself since living with them, he is quite sensible in a morning, but she can’t have a serious conversation with him in the evening.
We’ve decided to take advantage of the calendar to try and persuade him to curb his drinking. He’s booked a table at a restaurant on Valentine’s Day to take Mum out for lunch. He’s since commented on how he feels conflicted as to whether or not they should be eating out as, this year, Valentine’s Day falls on the first day of Lent. I quickly suggested that if we all give up alcohol for Lent, then he has nothing to worry about as they can still enjoy a nice meal but without any wine.
I don’t think he’s too impressed with this idea, but hopefully he will try. We did say we would still have wine with Sunday dinner as a compromise of sorts.
I’ll keep you posted on how we go.
I don’t think I appreciated how long it takes to sort things out financially and legally once you’ve actually acted on the decision to separate. Even though I follow people on here who have gone through it! I realise now that these things take time and that’s just how it is. I’m trying not to be disappointed that I can’t realistically look at houses yet and instead I’m looking forward to events that are booked in my diary.
In the Spring I’m going on a hen weekend which will involve a burlesque lesson and a cabaret show. It sounds like it will be a great, fun, girly weekend and just what I need!
At the end of May, myself and James are going away for a week with my friend and her son, like we did last year. We all got on well and hopefully, we will do again.
August sees the wedding of one of my best friends (hence the hen party!) and as I will be going on my own, I can fully dedicate myself to the role of bridesmaid.
I’m also in a pantomime that runs for 3 nights in a couple of weeks, but that’s a bit more stressful as I’m not confident of my lines yet, though I am enjoying the rehearsals.
Four events in my diary already, and nicely spaced out too, so plenty to keep me focussed whenever I feel a bit despondent.
I loved your attention but now that it’s gone
It’s time to let go and time to move on
Part of me hopes you’ll come back one day
But if you can’t treat me better, please stay away
I have to face facts, it’s not meant to be
If it were so, then we would both be free
We’re destined to be forever apart
Though you will always have a piece of my heart
I still think of Rob a lot, though I am making a considered effort not to. He did get back in touch, but only briefly – a phone call and a few days of texts – then disappeared again. I’m still inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt with regards to his feelings for me (I know, I’m a soft touch), but I don’t intend to let him play with me any more. After all, if I was happy being taken for granted, then I would have stayed with Tom!
I started today in a positive frame of mind. I was going to see a mortgage advisor in the morning and viewing a house in the afternoon. The day did not go well.
Firstly, the mortgage advisor said I couldn’t have as much mortgage as I was hoping for, then I had a phone call from Tom to say he had seen a solicitor who had advised that he is entitled to half the value of my pension and therefore, my share from the equity in the house will be reduced to compensate. Double whammy. I’m pissed off. I knew he would be entitled to half my pension and I had spoken to him about that very thing last week as I knew any solicitor worth their salt would bring it up. What annoys me is that last week he told me he didn’t want a share of it. I had told him I wouldn’t be happy if he did as over the years I have asked him several times about starting a pension for himself and he has always said he didn’t want one. Also, I’m the one who has had the inconvenience of moving out, causing more travel for me and I’m the one who will have to furnish a new house completely.
I felt like there was no point viewing the house but I went anyway and that made me feel slightly better as, even if I could have still afforded it, it needed far too much work doing on it for me. I’m feeling really flat tonight though as I’d been thinking I would soon have my deposit and mortgage confirmed and be in a position to view houses seriously and now I’m back in limbo.
I see my solicitor on Thursday and it will be interesting to see what he has to say.
So much for keeping things amicable.