I found a blog: https://mustbethistalltoride.com/about/
This man has analysed himself deeply since his divorce and he has some interesting points. His open letter to a shitty husband is pretty perceptive.
I don’t hold my husband solely to blame though for the current state of our marriage. I know it is also my fault for not communicating properly from the start, so in that respect I’m a shitty wife married to a shitty husband! In fact, reading Matt’s blog, I know I buried my head in the sand about the differences Tom and I had before we got married, thinking ‘everything will be alright because we love each other’. In reality, if we had both discussed these things properly to a full conclusion, then we would more than likely have gone our separate ways before getting married. During our early married years, I was definitely guilty of not telling Tom just how much certain actions of his upset me and instead ended up just ‘getting on’ with things rather than risking conflict. I think this is what has ultimately eaten away at my feelings over the years and made me apathetic towards him. While Matt doesn’t condone having an affair – neither do I even though I’m doing it – he sees, as I do, that the affair is not the cause of the problem, but rather the result.
As I’ve said before, I’m fairly certain I would have resisted temptation if I’d been otherwise happy in my marriage.
Tom has also been reading Matt’s blog and I have to say he is trying really hard. He’s being far more helpful round the house and spending time with me. I do appreciate his efforts but I don’t have any romantic feelings towards him at all. I feel sadness and emptiness and just want my own space. Only a week to go to my holiday.
Diary of a struggling wife 
I have written about the things I am guilty of in the failure of my own marriage. The crucial one, as you said yourself, was staying quiet; It was not saying how unhappy I felt at certain behaviours and not opening up about my feelings to avoid conflict. When I let it all out, it came as a shock and he wanted the other person back, my feelings had been drained and there was no saving us.
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Maybe there should be compulsory relationship guidance before people get married to teach us how to communicate properly from the start!
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I wish! But would we listen to it? 🤷🏻♀️
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From my experience only you can change the empty feeling you have.
Whilst you have no romantic feelings for your husband you stI’ll have a friend in him, isn’t that a good thing?
Focus on what makes you happy. Look to filling the the empty void with something productive, study, exercise, something you’ve always wanted to do, give your life a new purpose.
I know keeping busy won’t solve your problems but it’ll give you another purpose!
Hope you have a lovely holiday:)
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Thanks, I do try and keep busy.
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I know exactly how you feel. I’m right there with you. It’s ripping me apart, he’s a good man who made a big mistake but combined with being a shitty husband, I just can’t find forgiveness in me.
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